July 24, 2024

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The number 1 thing about going number 2 is to have a cleanup plan. Unfortunately, toilet paper (TP) may not always be by your side. Be it because you are camping, a country-wide TP shortage, or that things have gone sideways and you didn’t store nearly enough. Don’t fret and do the penguin waddle to the neighbors to borrow a few squares. Here are 15 TP plant substitutes that nature has provided for us!

Why Natural Substitutes

TP is one of the greatest inventions and hygiene improvements. However, we haven’t always had this pleasure. More importantly, it may not be with us for ever. Even as recently as the Covid-19 pandemic, several rumors plunged us deep into a TP panic. Manufacturers were running overtime. Store shelves were empty. The few stores that had stock, limited purchases to only a few rolls. Even worse, some people went without.

Events don’t need to be as dramatic. It only takes a walk in the woods when nature calls to show the need for a little foraging knowledge. Finding the right plant may mean the difference between a comfortable and very uncomfortable walk home.

Finally, as we prepare for harsher times, the focus usually lands on food, firearms, medical supplies, or other sexier topics than TP. The reality is we need it and should have it as a part of our long-term stores. One roll per person per week is the average use. That being said, funds and storage space aren’t unlimited. Eventually, you will need TP plant substitutes.

Read ahead for 15 of the best that you can start identifying around your home now.

Garden TP Plant Substitutes

The first, and easiest, TP plant substitutes to source can come from your own garden. It may be easiest for you, from an identification standpoint, to grow your own. Not surprisingly, there are several TP plant substitutes you can plan as a part of your annual harvest.

Cabbage (Brassica oleracea)

Who knew you could use cabbage outside of the kitchen? Cabbage makes one of the best homegrown TP plant substitutes as it has large sturdy leaves. In fact, many of the leaves get harvested as waste material as you trim to expose the inner head. Use these leaves as TP if you reserve them. To aid in their longevity, dry them. Just not too much or they will get brittle.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabbage

Cauliflower (Brassica oleracea)

Cauliflower is very similar to cabbage. In fact, they are different cultivars of the same species. The leaves may not be as numerous or large, but they are still just as viable for TP use.

As cauliflower grows, the inner leaves are usually pinned over the head to keep it white. The outer leaves are trimmed off while the plant grows. This guarantees a ready supply of TP plant substitutes!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cauliflower

Lamb’s Ears (Stachys byzantina)

I know that Lamb’s ears are normally considered a wild plant, but there is no reason not to include them in your garden or with your ornamental plantings. From food to medicine, to bathroom needs, there are many reasons to move Lamb’s Ears from the wilds to the garden.

Lamb’s Ears grow easily and spread, providing an abundance of leaves. The softness of the leaves is unparalleled (hence, the name) and the leaves are naturally antibiotic. What more could you ask?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stachys_byzantina

Grape Leaves (Vinis vitifera)

Grapes aren’t just for wine. Use these leaves for both cooking and to support your hygiene. Each leave is about the size of a normal TP square and is hardy enough to stand up to the job.

Start a trellis near your outhouse and within a year or two you’ll have enough natural TP to meet your family’s needs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitis_vinifera

Foraged TP Plant Substitutes

Never limit TP plant substitutes to cultivated spaces around your house. Nature abounds with tools to manage all our needs. You just need to arm yourself with the proper knowledge.

Remember, always make sure you have 100% positively identified your plant. You don’t want a poison ivy leaf to slip in. When using a newly identified  plant, rub a small piece on your forearm or wrist, then wait 15 minutes to ensure that you don’t have a negative reaction to the new plant.

Borage (Borago officinalis)

Borage is a wildflower that is distributed throughout Europe, the United Kingdom, and rarely in the United States. While Europeans primarily use Borage as a food (leaves and extracted seed oils) the youngest leaves can also be used as TP plant substitutes.

While small, the young leaves are soft and sturdy. The older leaves develop harsh hairs that make use less pleasant.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borage

Blue Spur Flower (Plectranthus ciliatus)

Tall, fragrant, and beautifully flowered, Blue Spur Flower, has been used for generations for bathroom duty. The leaves are exceptionally soft and large, which makes it an efficient flower to plant for TP use. A natural spreader, it will often take over any area that it is planted. You can often find it growing wild in hot climates.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plectranthus_ciliatus

Corn Lily (Clintonia borealis)

Corn Lily is a low growing plant with petite yellow flowers and blue berries. The leaves, while being editable, are long and broad and perfectly suited for bottom cleanup detail. The smooth leaves may not be as comfortable as some of the others on this list, but they are stout enough to hold up to the biggest jobs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clintonia_borealis

Large Leaf Aster (Eurybia macrophylla)

Another plant filling multiple rolls, including as a TP plant substitute, is Large Leaf Aster. The leaves can be eaten, used medicinally, and their size, texture, and durability make them perfect to use in the bathroom. The leaf shape and daisy-like flower make them unmistakable and easy to identify.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurybia_macrophylla

Mullein (Verbascum)

Ranked near the top for backend hygiene is Mullen. Second only to Lamb’s Ears, the large soft leaves, as well as the spike-like shape of the plant and brilliant yellow flowers, make Mullen easy to find and easy to use.

Usually found in transition spaces between fields and trees, as well as rougher soils, Mullen’s height and flowers make it stick out like a beacon.

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